Um Big trouble in
Native America
Hawk-shite-in-eye enter um teepee and raise him arm in
customary, respectful Red Indian salute. ‘How, Humping Bear.’
Humping Bear observe through
smoky eyes um fingertips of giant hand not above chin in signal of reverence. Him
buffalo-twat! Insulted in um own fuckin’ home. What this red-skin worl’ come
to, huh? Humping Bear beat him bare chest with um fist; no HOW back. Want big hand, too – know that big hand mean: big,
firm ... No um fuckin’ peace-pipe for um mutant skunk; not even got proper
Mohawk, look like um plaited squaw-virginia-garden. ‘Hawk-shite-in-eye! What um want? Whole tribe
know it um Chief get um Big-whompum-titty-as-sun-set-in-fall-sky, night. Um
Chief want show cold one-eyed snake, warm cavern of mysterious virgin squaw
before um snake shrink back in ball-sack. Humph.’
Humping bear stand in silent, quivering rage. Um one-eyed snake only come out
one time in year and take much coaxing.
‘Chief, um great, One-Eyed
eminence,’ Hawk-shite-in-eye finally bow in respect, um gaze fix on rock-like
lump in um Chief’s buck-skin britches. ‘Um mysterious virgin squaw ...’
Humping-Bear stop greasing snake
with racoon fat, under britches. ‘Um Hawk-shite-in-eye, if um wasn’t firstborn
son, I um scalp um fanny-head!’ He pick up um tomahawk and throw at stupid son,
shaving lump off him pussy.
Hawk-shite-in-eye um make
waterfall from eyes. He grow hair for many moons and um take great pride in um
minge-fringe braiding. ‘Um,’ he wipe stream from nose, ‘mysterious virgin
squaw, not um so mysterious in um Fire-water Tepee. She win um Miss Wet Mukluk
four year running.’
Humping-Bear peel back buck-skin
flap; um one-eyed snake want play. ‘What um mean, Hawk-shite-in-eye?’
‘Um mean, mysterious virgin squaw
cavern has welcome many one-eyed
snake; um have gonorrhoea.’
Humping Bear clutch um chest.
‘What mean? Medicine-Man check um cavern in tact and perfect for annual
whompum-titty! Um scalp fuckin’ um quack cunt! Where he?’
Hawk-shite-in-eyes look down.
‘Medicine-Man dead. Him drippy-dick. Him Miss Wet Mukluk judge four year
running.’
Humping Bear slump for moment; he feel sweat in
butt crack and then remember big hand mean ...
